I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We don't watch enough power rangers
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
