I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
