Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
