So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
