Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
