I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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