dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
