I want to make a zoo with you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
