i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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