I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
