I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
