no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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