fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
