i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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