Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
