my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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