how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
