So drunk its hurt
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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