Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
