i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
