Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
