Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
