On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize