Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's always time for handjobs
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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