Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
