ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
