she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
