I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
