Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
