Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
