You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
