you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
