I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
