Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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