May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
