Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
