Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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