Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
