...so i touched it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
