the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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