"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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