I got chris browned last night
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
