I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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