Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
