if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
