well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
