I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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