I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
