So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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