Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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