Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
