After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
