i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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