puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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