So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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