please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
