Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
