Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
