Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
