Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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