i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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