I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
