I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
