Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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