you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
