I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize