it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
