I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
