I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
