I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Damn victory sex feels great
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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