Four minutes until I can fart!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i drank out of a bidet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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