If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
