Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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