He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
